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Intentional Living – Can Pav live “The Secret”?

Posted on Oct 24, 2012 in Personal | 8 comments

my mother in the kitchenMy new therapist (who I love by the way) is really big on the whole, the energy you put in the world is the energy you will receive back thing.  I tend to agree with this way of thinking.  I mean, if you believe that the world is full of selfish hate-filled people, you will start to see that in everyone and your own behavior will draw that type of person to you.  But if you believe that people are generally good and loving, suddenly, the people around you seem so much more willing to get along.  So by believing it, you’re creating that world around you.  You know, like in The Secret.

As a UU this is something we talk about a lot.  That it’s not so much the religion you practice but the practising of your religion that matters.  There are multiple universes available to us, all existing simultaneously and available if you are willing to believe in them.  Our existence in this reality changes how that reality is experienced by us and those around us.  So when Kevin started talking about making an intentional change in how I approach things I was in.

The issue for me is the practical application of this.  As many of you know, I’m a stickler for rules and instructions – it makes me a good accountant.  Granted, I get most of my rocks off by breaking those rules and ignoring instructions, but unless I know the RIGHT way to do something, how can I buck the system. (yes, I see the insanity in that, shut up).  So in discussing how to put the intentions of how I want my world to be out into the universe I had some trouble.

housewife [derogation]

housewife [derogation] (Photo credit: the|G|™)

I hate housework.  I am not domestic by nature.  There’s probably some deep-seeded fear of being “just a girl” that makes me resist the role of housewife to such a degree that I eschew all the trappings of the female role, but that’s not really fair in a house with two adults.  Historically Buck Boom has done the bulk of the cooking and cleaning while I was more of the work horse.  I paid the bills, had high ambitions and work work worked.  Those roles have changed though and now that I’m home and focusing more on my kids and making this writing thing into more of a career, Buck Boom is picking up more hours, making it hard on him to do all the house stuff.  I mean, I’m here, I have the time, I need to do more of it.  That’s what partners and spouses do, right?  It’s not a wife thing.

My brain knows this, but I still hate all of it.  I’m very negative and down on the mere idea of being more of the domestic partner.  I resist it and probably create a world where I’m actually not very good at these things. There’s also the fact that a lot of it I’ve never had to do.  But I need to, I want to be the partner Buck Boom deserves.

So how do I reconcile the two?  Kevin (Therapist Extrordinaire) suggested putting the intention out there that it will get done for me and that by seeking that intention I will either creatively find a solution or one will come.  I resist this.  I don’t think it should be done for me.  I think I need to just shut up and do it.  What’s the value in having someone else do it for me just because I’m being a brat about it?  Plus, I don’t really see how this intention is going to be possible.  The examples I got when asking for practice examples were having someone come do it for me, working more to pay for it or asking for help.

Those are great things and I’ve been blessed that when in crisis people have done that for me.  But, I’m no longer in crisis.  I’m healing.  I’m getting better and I don’t WANT to be someone who has other people do things for me any more.  I want to be more functional, more capable, more responsible.  It’s not pressure that keeps me from doing it, it’s this unresolved distaste for the role.

Housewife

Housewife (Photo credit: garryknight)

So, against Kevin’s advice, I’m not putting the intention out that these things will be done for me.  Instead, I’m trying to reframe how I look at these things.  Instead of hating the laundry, I’m trying to talk myself through doing it because it’s how I show my kids I love them, how I support Don and how I take care of myself.  I do want to do more, the specific tasks be damned, I want to do it because the man I love has taken on so much to support me and give me the space I need to heal.  This is how I can show him how much that means to me, that I don’t just take that for granted, that he’s appreciated.  It makes his life easier and I would do anything for him.  So instead of focusing on how I feel about these tasks, I’m focusing on what they mean.

My kids lives are easier when the clothes are folded and put away,  Ninja is calmer and more focused when the house is orderly and Don’s ability to relax and be happy in his own home increases exponentially.  These things have more value than anything I’m trying to avoid.  My intention is to be present, to be a participant in my own life, to live and enjoy the tasks before me, if not for the task itself but for the effect it will have on my universe.  It may not be what Kevin meant, but so far it’s working.  I had a great day yesterday, got a lot done and while I was exhausted at the end I felt really good about myself.

So what do you resist in your life?  What intentions do you try to live as if they were real?  Has it ever worked?