How to Write Porn – I don’t wear magic underwear

Posted on Jul 12, 2012 in How To Write Porn, On Writing | 1 comment

Image by MadEmoiselle Sugar

Recently an editor friend of mine approached me complaining about the use of the word “panties” in romance/erotic literature.  She asked me for some alternatives to suggest to the author she was working with and I thought, you know what, maybe this is another good blog topic.  Ya’ll seemed to think Vaginal Vernacular was useful a post so here you go, my take on the magically elusive phraseology for underthings.  If you have other topics you’d like me to cover, let me know, I think there was a request about a male counterpart to the vocabulary options for women, so I’ll work on that one soon.

So, underwear.  Presuming you are not writing about Mormon sex (which can be totally hot – did you see Latter Days?) you don’t need to treat the issue of undergarments like an old lady struggling to get her girdle on before her hubby wakes up.  There is a certain elegance to underwear that when articulated and detailed can add to the eroticism of your piece.

I mean, sex isn’t about just the thrust and grunt of it all.  Ok, sometimes it is and that can be AWESOME, but for most readers of romance/erotica they’re looking for something a little more refined, a little more drawn out, a little more, well, erotic.  Don’t take the easy way out.

So first off, avoid the following words at all costs: panties and undies.  You are neither 65 nor are you 7.  Well, you may be 65 (and if you are, rock on! Keep on writing that smut!), but you don’t need to keep talking like someone afraid to mention your unmentionables.  My grandmother once told me she read romance novels to see if anyone would come up with something she hadn’t thought of yet.  Step up to her challenge and stretch those writing chops!

While Romance novels may not go into the same detail as Erotic Literature, there’s still no reason for you to avoid the topic completely.  Doing a brief online search I came up with the following options for discussing underwear.  For the sake of helping you determine the good from the bad I’ve stricken through the ones I think are just silly, unless you want to have a specific effect on your reader, avoid these.:

BVDs, G-string, bikini, boxer shorts, boxers, bra, briefs, corset, drawers, intimate things, jockey shorts, jockeys, lingerie, loincloth, long johns, panties, shorts, skivvies, smallclothes, underclothes, underclothing, undergarment, underpants, undershirt, underthings, undies, lingerie, unmentionables, corset, girdle, bodice, corselet, foundation garment, underwear, bloomers,

I’m adding some of my favorites to the list that weren’t used: garter, garter-belt, stockings, thigh-highs, boxer-briefs, thong

See!  There are so many options available to you.  Break out of the tired “wet panties” vocabulary and try something new, something sexy, something a little more descriptive.  I bet your readers will thank you.

Have any suggestions I’ve forgotten here? Let me know, like my grandmother, I’m always on the look out for something I haven’t thought of yet.