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Celebrating Womanhood – Can You Have it All? #WomenRock
“These days it seems that some people want us to be ashamed of being women. They want us to believe that we’re less: less intelligent, less important, less human. There is so much negativity out there. For one day, we want to flood the internet with positive messages about women. On September 16, 2012 we’re going to write positive blog posts about women, and we invite you to join us.”
So today I’m participating in celebrating womanhood!
Sometimes it seems we are being sold some real estate on the moon. You can do anything, you can be anything, you can achieve anything. While I’m thrilled the glass ceiling has mostly been shattered and issues of equal pay and equal representation are, if not being resolved, at least being discussed, I have to admit to being somewhat disenchanted with this idea of being able to do it all.
The reality is, you can’t.
I don’t mean to be a nay-sayer and really, this isn’t a negative post, but there comes a time where you have to grow up and decide not just what you want to be but who you want to be.
We are presented with this idea that womanhood is beautiful and easy. But we’re our own worst enemies. I’ve never been treated as badly by men as I have by women. From hazing in the work place to the condescending looks of those who thought I wasn’t “feminist” enough. If you work, you’re letting your family down, if you’re home with your family, you aren’t living up to your potential. What exactly is a girl supposed to do?
What I’ve learned is that through balance and a little more maturity I can be anything I want. The difference is now I know what that is and I understand the value of compromise. I think historically women have had to find ways to navigate the world around us a little subversively. We’ve had to squirrel money so we have a little extra for ourselves and we’ve had to smile when all we want to do is punch some asshat in the face. Its taught us that there’s always a solution, no matter what the issue, you just might have to take a more circumlocutions route!
For me, I want to be a mother, a wife, a lover, an artist, an entrepreneur, a number cruncher, a gardener, a writer. Every day I do a little bit of all of those things, somehow weaving them together to create the person writing this. A scatterbrained, flakey, artistic, anal, business woman with an artistic outlet.
Well said, and so true. I came of age in the 1970s, narrowly missed benefiting from Title 9 in schools, and embraced the Feminist movement. I went to college and graduate school, entered the professional world, married my best friend, became a mother. The brilliance of the Feminist movement was in knowing that I could be anything I had the passion, skill, and willingness to work for.
The flaw in the Feminist movement was the belief that you *could* have it all *at the same time*. That is the way to burnout and there was a time in my thirties when I hit the metaphorical wall. What I realized was that I had sacrificed my selfhood for all those other labels and to juggle career, motherhood, and marriage made for an Olympic gold medal worthy performance.
It took me until my forties to be able to pull back and prioritize–to seek that elusive balance. I am fortunate–I have an extremely supportive spouse and the ability (no debt, good health care) to step away from the career world when my caregiving role expanded with elderly parents. I know how lucky I am: too many women are trapped in the dark side of the have-it-all myth. I think the future of Feminism is in expanding its vision to look at life balance for all of us–regardless of gender and socio-economic status.
Too many people are running on a treadmill of fear, stress, debt, and uncertainty in a society that prizes independence over interdependence and seems to have lost all concept of community and public good.
Wow–this has turned into a rant! Sorry, Pav! That’s what you get when you wind me up on coffee early in the morning.
Lisa Janice Cohen (@lisajanicecohen) recently posted…A test you don’t want to get a high score on
No apology necessary! I think what you’re describing is a huge part of what I’ve been going through over the last year with my own mid-thirties burnout. There’s nothing wrong with needing other people. In fact, that interconnectedness can make the difference between surviving the chaos and letting it break you. Thank you for being part of my circle of support.
Pavarti K Tyler recently posted…Celebrating Womanhood – Can You Have it All? #WomenRock
Great post, Pav! I guess you noticed that I didn’t add it to the linky. I was waiting for it to go live, but I kind of overslept this morning.
Amanda recently posted…Celebrating Womanhood. Because Women Are Amazing.
I’ve got you on there, now. Thanks for this inspiring post!
Amanda recently posted…Celebrating Womanhood. Because Women Are Amazing.
Interesting post. It’s true, it is impossible to do it all, though we can try. And, yes, we are much harder on ourselves than men are on themselves, I think. Maybe that’s the next ceiling to break. When I was growing up, I found that people thought it weird that I didn’t want children, that something must be wrong with me. One guy thought hey, I must be gay or a rampant feminist! Wrong on both counts though I am a feminist, just not a rampant one! Nowadays, I find that my view is no longer shocking. I’ve met many woman who share it. It seems to be more acceptable now to break norms, be yourself and who you are. We’re getting there, I think!
vickie johnstone recently posted…Celebrating womanhood
Just stopping by from the blog hop
Great post honey! I find I’m always trying to do it all, and always feeling exhausted lol. I really need to learn to compromise, with myself
Xx
Vikki recently posted…I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar
Well its only a woman who even stretch to try, to have it all – catch a man trying to do that ?
Laxmi (@laxmi) recently posted…Does it take a controversy to create a best-seller?
As a guy I’d like to celebrate along with all the women who hold all the pieces together. Pavarti – Kudos for your post. It is excellent and thought provoking making me more proud than ever to have been lucky enough to be married to a woman who has successfully navigated the mine field of societies conventions. The role of women in American society is constantly changing, but the one thing that I’ve noticed has not changed is how competitive women are with one another in the work place. That might not be such a bad thing as long as we all take care of each other.
Gregory S. Lamb – Author recently posted…#FlashFiveFriday: #6 – Giving
For whatever reason nursing school attracted Type A personalities in the worst sense. The women wanted to be moms, career women, DIY masters, beauty queens, party girls, volunteers, etc etc all at the same time. It was exhausting listening to them and for a long time I felt the pressure to be everything at the same time too. I think you touched on something I can really relate to, in that it’s the balance of doing the things you love that is important. As women we should support each other in finding that balance instead of trying to out do each other for woman/mom of the year award.
The Capillary recently posted…30 Days of Fitness – Day 18
Doing it all is exhausting, at least if you’re trying to do it all at the same time. I’m glad we have more choices these days. The hard part is deciding what works best in our own lives and then being willing to change as life changes. Good post!